002- How to prioritize marriage in chaos
Chaos comes at different times throughout the life of our marriage. This isn’t the first time we have experience… and while, it is definitely something we NEVER saw coming… we know this won’t be the last time.
We recorded this episode of “I get it” during the build up of the coronavirus outbreak.
Wes & I had a knock down drag out two nights ago that lead to tears, cussing, and us have a total miscommunication.
I realized we are both walking around with major stressors that the other person cannot see. They create spikes sticking out around us that poke into each other without realizing it. I picture us both being porcupines & balloons at the same time. It is so easy for one of us to pop the other.
I believe that we can come out of this season thriving in our marriage instead of running for the hills.
Here are 6 things Wes & I are implementing to help the other person feel seen during this season of chaos.
We give each other a break when needed. Yup, you need a break. Your spouse needs a break (even if they are the one still going to work each day). Take turns. Talk about who needs it more. Look and see how the other person seems and offer it to them. Walks around the block, hiding in the closet, sitting in your car just to change your scenery… it is important to get that time to reboot. Pay extra attention to this if you are married to an enneagram 5!
We ask each other questions each night to do quick check ins. We keep this time short so we don’t mind doing it each night. This is time to just listen and validate. Not time to fix, blame, or fight. Quick responses and a “yes” from the other person.
How was today?
What went well today?
What stressors did you have?
How can I serve you?
Thank you for ______.
We do not point fingers and say, “You didn’t…. Stop doing….. You should….” Instead we say, “I need….”
Set up work zones. It is SO HARD to parent and work in the same house. Kids are dang loud. So, create spaces that you can take calls and have focused work. Take turn working. If you are both working, kids are both of your responsibilities. This is why routine and schedules are so important. Do a check in each night or morning to talk about what you both need to accomplish so you can trade off and have focused work time.
Don’t forget about love languages & having sex! These seasons are when these are SO important. If you don’t know yours or it has been a while since you have taken it, I have a link below. And yes, sex is important. It isn’t just a recreational activity. But set your expectations realistically & give each other grace.
Praise each other often. We have all lost our community & we are looking to each other for support. This is when those extra love text (even if they are from across the room) come in handy.
Bottom line: Communication is more important than ever. And Wes made a great point, you don’t have to be elaborate all the time. Just talk. Connect & validate feelings.
If you find yourself hitting roadblocks in this… next weeks episode may be just for you. It is about how to learn your partners personality type to totally transform how you communicate & serve each other.
Thank you so much for being here.
If you need anything… don’t hesitate to reach out on instagram. I am all about connecting & sharing in real conversation.
If you have not taken your love languages test, do it now! Really, right now… I mean, we are all at home quarantined anyways, right? And ask your husband to take it, too!
If you have not taken your love languages test, do it now!
Really, right now… I mean, we are all at home quarantined anyways, right? And ask your husband to take it, too!
It is free & such a game changer!
Life is a little crazy, and there are days you feel a little crazy... especially when it seems like the world is coming to a stop.... but you aren't alone. I get it.
Be Happy and Love each other,
T
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